Tuesday, January 31, 2012

To My Unfinished Journey

Hey you, how’s there?
No wait, don’t answer, I can’t bear the burden knowing out there you’re fine without me taking part in it.



I’ve been counting the days since the day you left, fyi. The second day of a brand new period, the period I thought would be the time for us to finally be together but turned out we wouldn’t. Nothing’s changed much really, no. The usual routine, waking up and browsing my cellphone’s picture gallery only to catch a glimpse of you in 2D version, looking up contact list hoping I see your updates, and the less pathetic: re-reading your timeline.


I was never really sure about where to lead what we had started, and until today, I’m still not really sure either. One thing I can be sure of, it’s something I mustn’t regret. We have decided, so what else? Hanya saja, oke sekarang ber-bahasa Indonesia, hanya saja rasanya kadang bertanya-tanya, bagaimana sih cerita kita kalau seandainya apa yang kita putuskan itu berbeda 180 derajat? Now let me try to recall…


Pertama kita berinteraksi, jujur sekedar tertarik “mata” ke kamu. Dalam hati “eh lucu juga nih”, sudah begitu aja. Sesekali jalan bareng teman-teman lain, obrolan tak penting lewat bbm, atau saling lempar komentar usil di twitter. It was almost one year ago, no? Kemudian, baru akhir tahun kemarin, yang entah bagaimana, kita sama-sama sadar ada ketertarikan, yang sejak kapan mulai muncul, kita gak pernah tahu. 


You’re funny, literally. And next thing I knew, we were being honest to each other. A funny kind of honesty that sometimes I wish it were dishonesty, though. You told me how you felt about me, I told you the same thing. But, we both said a lot of ‘buts’. And after that moment, I knew why I had never really liked ‘but’ since.


Isn’t it funny? We both shared the same feeling but at the same time we knew that we could never bring what we had to the next level. You would leave the city soon, while I was, err…I was seeing someone else. But still I’m grateful for the fact that we were aware enough of the misleading journey we were about to go through together. I couldn’t bear a long distance relationship, and for you, you couldn’t and you would never want to play the second fiddle. So there it went, the unfinished journey we hadn’t even started yet.


And now that you’re gone, all I can do is thinking of you, hoping that out there, you’re thinking of me too. Like you said, “someday is a mystery”, we’d never know what the future might hold for us one day. If we’re meant to be to each other, then we’ll be. Just want you to know that I’ve promised myself to always remember that rainy day, the day when you left the city, the day when we had that long and warm hug, the sweet kisses and the hidden tears.


What we had, though short, was enough to be kept as one of memorable chapters in my book of love. I’ll always recall it as the chapter where I learn how love grows without knowing why, when, how and from where. It grows and I let it grow, because I know no other way to stop it from growing.


Hey you, hope you’re doing good out there. No wait, forget that I said it. I don’t want to know about the fact that you’re doing good out there without me taking part in it. Simply just a “good bye and take care” will do, for the unfinished journey I didn’t even begin.


January 14, 2012
Sincerely not yours,
Me.