A Loneliness’ New Friend

To a mutual ex of mine.

Have you ever felt alone, but at the same time you just don’t want to be with anyone?

I have. In fact, that’s what actually happens to me lately. Feel alone, but on the other hand, not feeling lonely. Maybe a bit, but somehow it’s still bearable.

So dear friend, how’s everything? How have you been after that sweet hello finally has ended with a good-bye? Good-byes always hurt, alright. There’s no such thing as a sweet good bye for someone you used to close to. No need to deny what you feel inside, when you’re broken inside, so let it be.
So you told me that you wouldn’t ever want to live within memories, and oh God knows how much I understand that. Memories, good and bad always bring tears. You can’t help but screaming in silence every time you remember how bad memories haunt you in such random time everywhere you go. While some other time you silently cry on the inside whenever you realize that good memories are impossible to happen again in the same way.

Dear ex.
Words can never replace feelings. Never. So I definitely won’t expect that what I’m saying here is enough to virtually help you relieve the grief. I might have tolerated the unpleasant moments, but coping the unexpected has always been hard. And after all, that’s a common drama for fighters like us; the fools who fight love in vain. Nobody really pays attention to a desperate fool. We’re not desperate, only fools. Please keep that in your mind. The good-byes, the memories and the break-up happened because we knew no other way. That’s the things we deal in love and life: meet someone and fall in love, only to find out that in the end it’s never meant to be. So take your time, no need to hush up. If being alone is the only way for us to get to each other’s embrace, let loneliness be our friends.

And one more thing, dear.
This isn’t an apology for what we went through, sorry can never be enough to replace how much I regret for everything. We’d be really leaving each other, but I just want you to know that part of you will always stay, even after you go. So let go that tears of nothing, for tomorrow there will be something. You were always on my mind, you are always on my mind.

Have you ever felt alone, but at the same time you just don’t want to be with anyone?

January 26, 2012
From: An Occasional Fool